After spending some time reviewing the pictures and the actual piece, I must say that overall I am pleased with it. Very rarely do I like the way I look in something when I first put it on, this includes "store clothes"...my original reaction is usually "ugh!". It takes a while before I realize that yes, indeed, I look rather nice in this shirt/pants/etc.
And I wanted to apologize for the, "does this top make me look fat?" comments. That is such a stereotypical thing for me to do. But, I wanted to give you all a little background as to why I am a little obsessed about my weight, so please bear with me. I need to do this for myself as well as for everyone else. If you don't want to read it..please feel free to skip ahead..that's totally OK.
First off, I know I am not "fat'. But believe me when I say that I know what fat is.
I used to be more then 100 pounds overweight. No, I do not have any pictures to prove it..and even if I did, I would not post them on the blog. Even harsher, the period of my life when I was that overweight was the last few years of high school. Yeah, it sucked.
But then I got rid of the weight...and for most of my twenties I was a skinny little thing. And I got lots of attention, it was fantastic. Well, at first it was fantastic..then it got a little excessive.
At my smallest I was a size 4/5. I was skinny. I thought I looked great. And I want to say right now that no, I did not have an eating disorder..at least I don't think I did...I was not always wise in my eating habits, but then, I never have been.
Then when I was 27? 28? I got sick. Real sick. I was dizzy all the time, I had no energy. I could not do any of the things "normal" people did. I was going to school full time, working part time, and trying to manage the household duties (trust me, it was a big house! =) ). But I ignored how bad I felt physically, and instead became extremely depressed because of my limitations.
And then one day I was working a clinical at the hospital, and I nearly passed out in a patients room. Thank God I was with an attendant who noticed what was happening and took control of the situation.
That day I went to a doctor..and had the scare of my life.
She told me I was severely anemic. That my hematocrit was so low that she recommended I get a blood transfusion, and also wanted me to see a specialist right away. I was in shock. I asked if this was a "big deal'" and she said "yes".
It was not until much later that I realized she thought I had cancer. I did go to a specialist. I did not get a blood transfusion,(I felt really weird about getting one) but instead spent an entire day hooked up to an I.V. having iron pumped into my body. That was fun, let me tell you, especially when my skin turned an orangish color and my complexion went to hell for a couple of weeks after that. I had to have a gazillion tests and procedures done. I did not have cancer.
What I had was a body that did not like to create or absorb iron.
So now, I take (or try to take..I am horrible about it)massive doses of iron every day. I eat lots of protein and iron rich foods. And for the most part, I am healthy. And that is terrific.
However, I have gained some weight. About 30 pounds or so..maybe more, I refuse to get on a scale! =) And although I never want to go back to being that sick..it is a little hard to think I will never fit into those size 5 jeans again.
But maybe, with a little more exercise, and a little less french fries, shakes and beer..I can get back into those size 10's. But I am not going to obsess about it. Not anymore. Because I honestly believe that as long as I am healthy and happy..that should be enough.
And I think everyone else should feel that way too.
OK, now on to some lighter topics. Look what B brought home for me:
Aren't they fantastic? I love them!
But wait, there's more! Look what they do to the water:
(Yes, I know it's the food coloring they use on the flowers...but still..it is so cool!) I am easily pleased,.
And finally, some knitting content, with a bit of Scrappy thrown in. What, you thought I would do a post and NOT talk about knitting at all?
This is an update on the store sample mitered shawl I am finally back to working on. It is now officially at the half way point. I have just been knitting through the skeins, letting the colors fall where they may..still, that's a lot of yellow..it will be interesting to see what happens with the rest of the shawl...
Oh, and last..but definitely not least, are my narrowed down picks for the next round of Sock Madness. Round 5 can you believe it? (GULP!)
Yes, I know this picture looks different then the others..I was playing around with flickr trying to get you a picture you can click on..and I think I succeeded.
So give it a click and check out the cool notes I put on it. I am getting more and more computer savvy with each passing day!
4 comments:
That mitred shawl looks stunning, Melanie. Keep going on it - it's going to be a work of art.
And the yarns you've chosen for Round 5 are beautiful. Good luck tomorrow - let's have fun trying out a new pattern.
Oh, honey, talk about the body doing some scary things. Yikes! I can't even imagine what that must have been like for you. But I'm so relieved to hear you're in a much better place now. You've got a really great attitude about it all. Your health and happiness DO come first! It really sucks that our culture puts such a high price on appearance that often it's hard to separate being happy with your life from being happy with your looks. Good for you for remembering what's really important and for reminding us, too.
for what it is worth, taking VitC along with the iron seems to increase absorption in some people. Not everyone, but if it works for you it might ease that awful taste.
-Holly
Whoa - scary stuff - I have had some issues with low blood iron but nothing like you have experienced. I did not even know they would recommend a blood transfusion - yipes.
That is amazing that you have lost over 100 lbs before. That is pretty much what I am looking at - if you add another 20 to it! It is reassuring to 'know' (internet hey?) someone who has achieved this.
Thanks for sharing - and forget it, everyone, no matter how slender, has days/moments where they ask "does this make me look fat?". No one would think any less of you. It's a sign of our times.
I'll tell you what is bad - when a Kindergarten kid comments on their need to excercise 'cause they are fat. Now that is depressing!
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